Rabbi Charles P. Sherman
January 9, 2004
The Most Famous Procrastinator
"Procrastinator" is a long word, a big word. It means someone who never puts off for tomorrow what he can put off until the day after tomorrow. Students know classmates who wait until the night right before an exam to cram; or, who wait to do their term papers until the very last minute. We adults know people who wait until the week before a large simcha to buy a new suit or a new dress, or to get their plane and hotel reservations. B’nai Mitzvah parents and other meal planners know too many invitees who put off RSVPing until two days before the event. So who is the world’s most famous procrastinator?
It is the Messiah. The Messiah is always about to come, yet look how long it takes for the Messiah to get here already. I’ll tell you an inside joke – I’m not going to explain it; either you understand it or you don’t. Do you know what you get if a Yekke marries a Lubavitcher? A meshiach who comes on time.
OK. Do you know who the second most famous procrastinator is? Some would say it is God. God could have made the world in only one day, but God procrastinated, so it took seven. But not counting God and not counting the Messiah, I believe that the most famous procrastinator was Joseph. What makes me say that? First of all, Joseph lived in Egypt for many years and never got around to writing to his father – not even once. You’d think he would have sent a message by carrier donkey – "I am alive. I am well." But he did not. Yes, I realize that he did not need money, but still a child should write to his father once in a while even if he does not need money.
Yet it is in the very last chapter of Genesis that we really see Joseph’s capacity to procrastinate. The Torah says that Jacob became ill, so they sent for Joseph to come. Then it says that the messenger came back and reported that Joseph was on his way. What does that mean? Why didn’t Joseph come at once? Why didn’t he arrive even before the messenger did? Joseph is the second most powerful person in Egypt. He certainly can command the fastest chariot or horse.
Do you picture the scene? Jacob is an old, sick man, weak and feverish. He lies on his bed, and in a faintly audible, creaky voice he asks: "Where is Joseph?" One of the brothers rushes out, hurries to Joseph’s office to fetch him. He walks in and finds Joseph sitting at his desk going over papers, talking to advisors. He says: "Forgive my interruption, Joseph, but your father is very sick – he is calling for you." And Joseph says: "Tell him I will get there as soon as I can."
What kind of an answer is that? Why didn’t Joseph rush to his father’s bedside immediately? Let me suggest several possible explanations, and you will know in advance that when I talk about Joseph, I’m not talking about just Joseph. Here are three possible explanations of why Joseph procrastinated. If they don’t all fit him, I suspect that one or another of them may fit many of us.
Explanation #1. Joseph was busy. After all he was the Prime Minister of Egypt; he had many economic, social, political and military questions to deal with every day. Therefore, he probably neglected not only his father and his brothers, but his wife and his children as well. His wife probably fretted that he was out at meetings every night; his children probably complained that he was forever at diplomatic receptions and that he never had time to talk to them.
If this was why Joseph procrastinated, we can all identify with him; we too live with many of the same kinds of pressures he had. Our jobs are so demanding that we’re caught up in conflicts between what we have to do and what we want to do. So we end up doing the immediate and letting the important wait. We leave those truly important things on the back burner to be done "one of these days". Then we are surprised and shocked when the family blows up because we have neglected them for so long. We are bewildered when we finally have time to talk to our kids and find that they no longer have time to talk to us.
I counsel with parents whose kids are in trouble. They say "What did I do wrong? Where was I when this was going on? How come I didn’t know anything about this until now?". Yes, people say these words when they find out that their children are chemically dependent or acting out their anger in destructive ways, and I feel for them. If this is why Joseph procrastinated, if the reason he put off going to see his father was because of the pressure of his work, we can understand and we can sympathize with him. Perhaps Joseph was the first workaholic in human history. If so, he was not the last.
But we ought to learn from him what not to do. The work still will be there tomorrow. The phone calls can be returned tomorrow. Our children need our attention today. Otherwise we may end up like Joseph. The Torah says Joseph wept inconsolably over the loss of his father. Why did Joseph weep so much when his father died? Was this normal grief, or was it guilt? Perhaps Joseph felt that he should have been there sooner and more often for his father while Jacob was still alive.
Let’s consider a second explanation. Perhaps the reason Joseph procrastinated was because he knew that his father was terminally ill, and he was uncomfortable going to see him in that condition. He felt squeamish seeing his father in such a state, and he was reluctant to bring his children to see their grandfather this way. Perhaps he said to himself, "What will he look like when I get there? What will he say? What should I say? I know I should go to see him, but if I do I will be uncomfortable and helpless and scared – so maybe I’ll do it tomorrow instead."
And if that was the reason, we can understand it. It is not easy to visit a terminally ill patient. We feel our helplessness, and we see our own mortality reflected in the patient’s eyes. So it is easier to find an excuse to put the visit off. But if we do that, friends, we not only cheat the patient out of the companionship he or she deserves, but we also cheat ourselves out of a precious learning experience. The dying are no different than we are – they are we, just a little bit further along the same road that all of us must someday travel. We have much to learn from them, as well as much to give to them.
So consider what happened to Joseph. He put off his visit for as long as he could; but, when he finally went, what did he find? He found a father who was still alive, alert, full of wisdom and insight and with one last message of guidance to give him, one final set of blessings to deliver. If Joseph had procrastinated a little bit longer, he would have missed all that.
A final explanation of why Joseph procrastinated: he did not know what his visit would be like. Would his brothers be there? And, if they were, what would they say to him? What would they do? Would they cry? Would he? If they did, how would he respond? And if he did, how would they respond? Joseph had no previous experience with anything like this, so he did not know what to expect. Therefore, it was easier to stay where he was, to remain where things were familiar, rather than venture into the unknown.
And we can identify with these feelings too. I know people who are stuck in a relationship or a job, but continue because at least it is familiar. They think that it is safer to stay with what they know rather than chance the unknown. Many of us live our lives that way, afraid to try something new, afraid to reach out to anyone, for fear of being rejected. We hug the familiar and avoid the unknown.
Joseph may have felt that way too, but eventually he was able to shed his fears and find the courage to go see his father before it was too late. And he was truly blessed when he got there. He was able to form a deeper relationship, a better relationship with his brothers because of what happened when they met there. May I suggest that sometimes we take the risk and venture into new experiences, for if we do we may open ourselves up to all kinds of blessings.
And so I would like to announce tonight, friends, that as soon as I find the time, I have decided to form a society of ex-procrastinators. I intend to do it this year, but if I cannot get around to doing it this year, then maybe we will do it next year. Originally I was going to form a Society of Pessimists, but then I decided it probably would not succeed. So I want to form this society of ex-procrastinators instead. I am going to do it as soon as I get around to it and, when I do, I intend to send you an invitation to join the group. I hope that you won’t put it off, but that you will respond promptly by return mail. Or if not then, do it whenever you have time. If you agree, would you please – not necessarily now, but sometime before the service ends – would you please say AMEN.
This message is based on the creativity of Rabbi Jack Riemer.
